"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
- George Santayana
"I remember the past, but the present I'm a little unclear about."
- Stanton Jonas
In a letter to the editor of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Stanton Jonas argues [scroll down to the last letter] that the United States should aid Libyan rebels, calling it "one chance to oust Moammar Gadhafi and free the Libyan people."
Well, maybe, maybe not - even taking as read the argument that the country is currently ruled by a despot, that's still no guarantee that the next government will be any better.
But my favourite part of his letter is the part in which Mr. Jonas cites as a model for the action he proposes the American "'intervention' which led to the ill-equipped Afghans defeating the mighty Russians in Afghanistan."
Because things in Afghanistan have turned out so well.
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Why HAL9000 Beat Ken Jennings Like A Rented Mule:
Lisa de Moraes wrote in the Washington Post about the Jeopardy! match between former champions Ken Jennings, Brad Rutter, and an IBM computer called Watson. Watson won handily, demonstrating advances in programming and machine intelligence unimaginable only a few years ago. Watson was able to collate and correlate chunks of information not necessarily directly related - what programmers call "unstructured data" - to understand plain-English questions and answer them. Until Watson, you couldn't ask a computer "who's the American icon who supposedly had wooden teeth?" and have it tell you 'Thomas Jefferson.' Kidding! See what I did there?
Everyone is suitably impressed. Well, mostly everyone - commenter sjcsando wrote:
Of course Watson will beat the humans. He's programmed to respond or "buzz in" faster than a human. IBM needs to reprogram him so that his response times are on equal footing with his human competitors.
Reprogramming Watson might be a little drastic - let's start with reprogramming sjcsando to help him be able to not miss the entire point of the exercise first. If that doesn't work, then we can reprogram Watson. Hell, let's put the boots to him, get out the pitchforks, or BURN IT WITH FIRE!
And once we've taught Watson a lesson about being too smart for his own good, we'll have Ken and Brad face off against my old Aptiva 486 while sjcsando matches wits with a couple of vacuum tubes, a battery and a small light.
Everyone is suitably impressed. Well, mostly everyone - commenter sjcsando wrote:
Of course Watson will beat the humans. He's programmed to respond or "buzz in" faster than a human. IBM needs to reprogram him so that his response times are on equal footing with his human competitors.
Reprogramming Watson might be a little drastic - let's start with reprogramming sjcsando to help him be able to not miss the entire point of the exercise first. If that doesn't work, then we can reprogram Watson. Hell, let's put the boots to him, get out the pitchforks, or BURN IT WITH FIRE!
And once we've taught Watson a lesson about being too smart for his own good, we'll have Ken and Brad face off against my old Aptiva 486 while sjcsando matches wits with a couple of vacuum tubes, a battery and a small light.
$4.02.
A commenter is unimpressed by Jerry Lewis' MDA telethon and doesn't mind complaining to the Washington Post's Tom Shales about it.
"How about we start to plan a telethon for all of the unemployed americans. $60 Million would go a long way towards helping people facing foreclosure or other economic problems."
Hey, math whiz: there are 15 million people unemployed in the United States. Just how far do you expect that four bucks a person to go?
"How about we start to plan a telethon for all of the unemployed americans. $60 Million would go a long way towards helping people facing foreclosure or other economic problems."
Hey, math whiz: there are 15 million people unemployed in the United States. Just how far do you expect that four bucks a person to go?
What's on your alleged mind, John Stalvern?
You have to give John Stalvern credit: he's not a quitter. He's a miserable SOB, a crank, the kind of guy who seems to hate everything but kittens (and maybe hates those too), but he's not the kind of guy who will give up in the face of something as trivial as constant and clear rejection.
He might be the most reliable troll on the Globe And Mail's website. We know nothing about who he is - the name "John Stalvern" is (presumably) a pseudonym, based on fanfic starring a zombie with that name - and we know not much more than that about what he thinks. As the comment moderators at the Globe And Mail say with astonishing regularity, "John Stalvern's comment was not consistent with our guidelines and has been removed."
And John's not a single-axe-to-grind kind of a guy, either. In a catalogue of somewhere north of 700 comments, he's got opinions too rude to print on nearly every topic under the sun. News articles, features, puff pieces, opinion bits: they all inspire him to write something apparently awful. Stories with titles like, "Trade in the car or the girlfriend?", "Bear hunters target B.C. provincial parks, highways" and "Hummer joins GM's growing scrap heap" bear his mostly-scrubbed-out fingerprints, as do such non-traditional hot-button items as "Ukraine looks eastward," "Chrysler sale put on hold," and "Apple unveils new, speedier iPhone."
We'll never know what it was about the iPhone that drove John Stalvern to post something so terrible that had to be removed. And it's not like the moderators at the Globe And Mail are prudes, either. The stuff that they leave up only enhances his curmudgeonly credibility. "Janet Jackson's Super Bowl nipple slip in court," reads one headline. "America is a loser," writes John. "Biology professor accused of faculty shooting described as 'genius'," says another. "America is worse than Somalia," responds John. "Police kill 'con artist' in Times Square shootout," says a third. "America is garbage, with police more corrupt than Somalia," says John. Elsewhere, he invites readers to submit photos of "the now-euthanized homeless" who lived near Vancouver's Olympic village, theorizes that "Dubai has a case of the retardeds," and posits that "kids suck." For the story that the "Toronto budget fails to hold the line on property tax," all he's left with is, "LOUD YELLING".
So what does John Stalvern think about some of the other Issues Of Our Time?
Business:
"An investment expert could simply slap his penus repeatedly on the keyboard, publish the resulting gibberish, and do no better or worse than a carefully deliberated recommendation."
"Bowing to China's oppressive and corrupt government is the price we have to pay to keep Canadian Walmarts full of plastic salad tossers and $23 infant car seats."
"Air Canada sucks."
"All US carriers and Westjet are garbage compared to [Air Canada]. Best North American airline, no contest."
The Arts:
"[Noel] Gallagher is a first-class wimp."
(On the October 2009 death of comedian Soupy Sales) "I think 'comedian' is too generous a term. Yawn."
"I have over one million songs on my phone. Whereas your life soundtrack ended with Rush's '2112', mine grows daily."
The Internet:
"Arguing on the internet is like winning a gold medal in the special olympics. Even if you win, you are still retarded."
"Google is more powerful than both God and Jesus combined."
"FACT: a 17-inch MacBook Pro retails for $2,799 and costs $144.10 to produce in China, including software and all materials, and about $16 to ship. Only status-hungry hipsters and worthless artists think this is a good value."
"Twitter Twerps Tweet Twaddle to Twats"
Women:
"Not to sound biased against female drivers, but women are simply not entirely attentive to goings-on in the immediate vicinity. Be it walking, driving, turning around, whatever; women are more likely to bump into something/someone or otherwise lose their way."
Children:
"Kids today are generally have more retardation than previous generations. Short attention spans due to garbage TV and SMS, and brain chemistry imbalances caused by energy drinks and never being outside."
Firefighters:
"I generally despise firefighters, as there is a fire station one block from my house, and the incessant sirens and honking are ridiculous. Really, what proportion of their 'emergencies' are actually fires rather than false alarms?"
Sports:
"I hate the Olympics."
War:
"This Afghanistan quagmire is going to end up like 9/11 x 1,000. That's right: 911,000."
Christmas:
Moderator's Note: John Stalvern's comment was not consistent with our guidelines and has been removed.
He might be the most reliable troll on the Globe And Mail's website. We know nothing about who he is - the name "John Stalvern" is (presumably) a pseudonym, based on fanfic starring a zombie with that name - and we know not much more than that about what he thinks. As the comment moderators at the Globe And Mail say with astonishing regularity, "John Stalvern's comment was not consistent with our guidelines and has been removed."
And John's not a single-axe-to-grind kind of a guy, either. In a catalogue of somewhere north of 700 comments, he's got opinions too rude to print on nearly every topic under the sun. News articles, features, puff pieces, opinion bits: they all inspire him to write something apparently awful. Stories with titles like, "Trade in the car or the girlfriend?", "Bear hunters target B.C. provincial parks, highways" and "Hummer joins GM's growing scrap heap" bear his mostly-scrubbed-out fingerprints, as do such non-traditional hot-button items as "Ukraine looks eastward," "Chrysler sale put on hold," and "Apple unveils new, speedier iPhone."
We'll never know what it was about the iPhone that drove John Stalvern to post something so terrible that had to be removed. And it's not like the moderators at the Globe And Mail are prudes, either. The stuff that they leave up only enhances his curmudgeonly credibility. "Janet Jackson's Super Bowl nipple slip in court," reads one headline. "America is a loser," writes John. "Biology professor accused of faculty shooting described as 'genius'," says another. "America is worse than Somalia," responds John. "Police kill 'con artist' in Times Square shootout," says a third. "America is garbage, with police more corrupt than Somalia," says John. Elsewhere, he invites readers to submit photos of "the now-euthanized homeless" who lived near Vancouver's Olympic village, theorizes that "Dubai has a case of the retardeds," and posits that "kids suck." For the story that the "Toronto budget fails to hold the line on property tax," all he's left with is, "LOUD YELLING".
So what does John Stalvern think about some of the other Issues Of Our Time?
Business:
"An investment expert could simply slap his penus repeatedly on the keyboard, publish the resulting gibberish, and do no better or worse than a carefully deliberated recommendation."
"Bowing to China's oppressive and corrupt government is the price we have to pay to keep Canadian Walmarts full of plastic salad tossers and $23 infant car seats."
"Air Canada sucks."
"All US carriers and Westjet are garbage compared to [Air Canada]. Best North American airline, no contest."
The Arts:
"[Noel] Gallagher is a first-class wimp."
(On the October 2009 death of comedian Soupy Sales) "I think 'comedian' is too generous a term. Yawn."
"I have over one million songs on my phone. Whereas your life soundtrack ended with Rush's '2112', mine grows daily."
The Internet:
"Arguing on the internet is like winning a gold medal in the special olympics. Even if you win, you are still retarded."
"Google is more powerful than both God and Jesus combined."
"FACT: a 17-inch MacBook Pro retails for $2,799 and costs $144.10 to produce in China, including software and all materials, and about $16 to ship. Only status-hungry hipsters and worthless artists think this is a good value."
"Twitter Twerps Tweet Twaddle to Twats"
Women:
"Not to sound biased against female drivers, but women are simply not entirely attentive to goings-on in the immediate vicinity. Be it walking, driving, turning around, whatever; women are more likely to bump into something/someone or otherwise lose their way."
Children:
"Kids today are generally have more retardation than previous generations. Short attention spans due to garbage TV and SMS, and brain chemistry imbalances caused by energy drinks and never being outside."
Firefighters:
"I generally despise firefighters, as there is a fire station one block from my house, and the incessant sirens and honking are ridiculous. Really, what proportion of their 'emergencies' are actually fires rather than false alarms?"
Sports:
"I hate the Olympics."
War:
"This Afghanistan quagmire is going to end up like 9/11 x 1,000. That's right: 911,000."
Christmas:
Moderator's Note: John Stalvern's comment was not consistent with our guidelines and has been removed.
The Ugly Canadian.
In their first game at the Winter Olympics, the Canadian women's hockey team defeated Slovakia 18-0.
Now, I happen to think that there should be a mercy rule in sports like hockey and baseball. The Olympics holds itself up as the embodiment of the spirit of being a good sport. Devastating a competitor that is truly and hopelessly outclassed is almost as embarrassing for the winners as it is for the losers: everybody knows it wasn't a fair fight. It's not unsporting to recognize that.
What is unsporting is to do what Brandon Hicks, a senior writer for CBCSports.ca, did: write a nasty, sneering and snide piece about the Canadian team "eking out a gutsy and harrowing 18-0 victory" despite what he called "the struggling Canadian offence."
I look forward to Mr. Hicks' account of the time his men's league team had a father-son game and creamed those 8-year-olds by a score of 28-3, or of the time when he, then a seventh grader, totally beat up that kid in grade two who looked at him.
Now, I happen to think that there should be a mercy rule in sports like hockey and baseball. The Olympics holds itself up as the embodiment of the spirit of being a good sport. Devastating a competitor that is truly and hopelessly outclassed is almost as embarrassing for the winners as it is for the losers: everybody knows it wasn't a fair fight. It's not unsporting to recognize that.
What is unsporting is to do what Brandon Hicks, a senior writer for CBCSports.ca, did: write a nasty, sneering and snide piece about the Canadian team "eking out a gutsy and harrowing 18-0 victory" despite what he called "the struggling Canadian offence."
I look forward to Mr. Hicks' account of the time his men's league team had a father-son game and creamed those 8-year-olds by a score of 28-3, or of the time when he, then a seventh grader, totally beat up that kid in grade two who looked at him.
I probably should stop calling it "the local fishwrap." I wouldn't dream of wrapping fish in it.
This post originally appeared in byoolin's trebuchet, another blog in which I write, in July 2009.
Like many other newspapers' websites, my town's local fishwrap, Wheeling's Intelligencer & News-Register, allows its readers to comment on many articles on its website. The site's Terms of Service say that the comment feature is “provided to give users an interesting and stimulating forum to express their opinions and share ideas and information.”
“It is a condition of your use of these Services,” say the Terms, that people don't, among other things, use “vulgar, profane, abusive, hateful or racist language or expressions” or make “attacks of a personal, racial or religious nature” or “post any material that is threatening, false, defamatory, misleading, fraudulent, unfair, and inaccurate... [or] is unreasonably harmful or offensive to any individual, community, association, business or group.”
It's a system that works, except when it doesn't, which is usually. You know that old saying that opinions are like assholes – everybody's got one? The News-Register's comments section seems to be on a single-minded quest to tip that balance. Now, a lot of news (and other) websites have comments sections that seem to be populated mostly by people who have checked their good manners at the door. But the News-Register's comments are different. The comments on nearly every story seem to rapidly and rabidly devolve into demonstrations of who can be the most puerile and juvenile. How juvenile, you ask?
Well, here's user “EllisWyatt” implying that “GymJones” is a homosexual voyeur in response to GymJones calling him gay and “a little whiny c-u-n-t” (the hyphens are there to defeat the Dirty Word Filter) during an interesting and stimulating discussion of some local steelworkers being recalled from layoffs.
Elsewhere, “AlexanderShulgin” adds a non-journalist's perspective to a story about poor weather during the local Jamboree In The Hills music festival: “Tit bit nipply,” he remarks, expanding upon his own earlier comment - “Let’s see some t i t i e s [sic]” - on another story about the Jamboree.
“WVUGator2” agrees with EllisWyatt that a fire at a local country club “is a classic example of Jewish Lighning [sic],” - arson as an implement of insurance fraud - in part because “we all know Moondog could not get his bike up Route 88.” Moondog, a bit of a local celebrity, is known for riding a bicycle that flies a very large flag. Were it not for the difficulty in riding that bike up the very steep hill, Moondog, an African-American, would seem to be high on WVUGator2's list of suspects.
On the healthcare issue, “conservsquatch” says GymJones is both incestuous and a pedophile: “Gymjones does his mother. He also still touches little boys,” while “Truthseeker” believes many of the commenters “enjoy kicking puppies and kittens.”
Commenting on another healthcare story, “Highland” postulated that “[President] Obama will shut down any hospital that refuses to perform abortions,” prompting “acousticportal” to riposte in customary fashion, “Highland...are you really that ignorant? f-n blind follower.”
When a nearby school board announced the appointment of a principal to a new position after allegations of harrassment had been made against him, EllisWyatt suggested that county voters were “morons,” prompting shastacooper to call him “truly, truly the VILLAGE IDIOT.” Then, when “All4One” lamented the lack of civility in the comments to that point, COACH1 seemed to imply that All4One was a corrupt crony of the former principal, which in turn prompted Honeybun to speculate that COACH1 “may have been getting some special favors from” said former principal.
So, the News-Register's comment pages are home to a pretty sad-sack bunch of intemperate, insulting, homophobic, vitriolic, foul-mouthed, xenophobic, intolerant, petty, vindictive, rude and libelous people, and the Wheeling Intelligencer & News-Register seems unable or unwilling to do anything about it. Maybe its editors just have a different definition of “an interesting and stimulating forum.”
Like many other newspapers' websites, my town's local fishwrap, Wheeling's Intelligencer & News-Register, allows its readers to comment on many articles on its website. The site's Terms of Service say that the comment feature is “provided to give users an interesting and stimulating forum to express their opinions and share ideas and information.”
“It is a condition of your use of these Services,” say the Terms, that people don't, among other things, use “vulgar, profane, abusive, hateful or racist language or expressions” or make “attacks of a personal, racial or religious nature” or “post any material that is threatening, false, defamatory, misleading, fraudulent, unfair, and inaccurate... [or] is unreasonably harmful or offensive to any individual, community, association, business or group.”
It's a system that works, except when it doesn't, which is usually. You know that old saying that opinions are like assholes – everybody's got one? The News-Register's comments section seems to be on a single-minded quest to tip that balance. Now, a lot of news (and other) websites have comments sections that seem to be populated mostly by people who have checked their good manners at the door. But the News-Register's comments are different. The comments on nearly every story seem to rapidly and rabidly devolve into demonstrations of who can be the most puerile and juvenile. How juvenile, you ask?
Well, here's user “EllisWyatt” implying that “GymJones” is a homosexual voyeur in response to GymJones calling him gay and “a little whiny c-u-n-t” (the hyphens are there to defeat the Dirty Word Filter) during an interesting and stimulating discussion of some local steelworkers being recalled from layoffs.
Elsewhere, “AlexanderShulgin” adds a non-journalist's perspective to a story about poor weather during the local Jamboree In The Hills music festival: “Tit bit nipply,” he remarks, expanding upon his own earlier comment - “Let’s see some t i t i e s [sic]” - on another story about the Jamboree.
“WVUGator2” agrees with EllisWyatt that a fire at a local country club “is a classic example of Jewish Lighning [sic],” - arson as an implement of insurance fraud - in part because “we all know Moondog could not get his bike up Route 88.” Moondog, a bit of a local celebrity, is known for riding a bicycle that flies a very large flag. Were it not for the difficulty in riding that bike up the very steep hill, Moondog, an African-American, would seem to be high on WVUGator2's list of suspects.
On the healthcare issue, “conservsquatch” says GymJones is both incestuous and a pedophile: “Gymjones does his mother. He also still touches little boys,” while “Truthseeker” believes many of the commenters “enjoy kicking puppies and kittens.”
Commenting on another healthcare story, “Highland” postulated that “[President] Obama will shut down any hospital that refuses to perform abortions,” prompting “acousticportal” to riposte in customary fashion, “Highland...are you really that ignorant? f-n blind follower.”
When a nearby school board announced the appointment of a principal to a new position after allegations of harrassment had been made against him, EllisWyatt suggested that county voters were “morons,” prompting shastacooper to call him “truly, truly the VILLAGE IDIOT.” Then, when “All4One” lamented the lack of civility in the comments to that point, COACH1 seemed to imply that All4One was a corrupt crony of the former principal, which in turn prompted Honeybun to speculate that COACH1 “may have been getting some special favors from” said former principal.
So, the News-Register's comment pages are home to a pretty sad-sack bunch of intemperate, insulting, homophobic, vitriolic, foul-mouthed, xenophobic, intolerant, petty, vindictive, rude and libelous people, and the Wheeling Intelligencer & News-Register seems unable or unwilling to do anything about it. Maybe its editors just have a different definition of “an interesting and stimulating forum.”
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